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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

And it seems like it goes on like this forever

Two blog posts in two days!! You guys are getting spoiled. Don't get used to it, though.

It's Video Day! Today's choice is doubly fabulous, because it is my favorite singer (Alison Krauss) covering a really fantastic song ("Carolina In My Mind") at a James Taylor tribute. She's so great, you guys. Just listen.



And to pad this out a bit, here's one of the less banal internet question meme things. Many of you already know me, but some of you might not (like my mysterious reader in Sydney. Hello, mysterious Australian person! Don't be afraid to say hi!) so here you go, for what it's worth.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Huh. Sudden violence kind of wigs me out, so I'm not sure I would want to do that. Maybe Lady Gaga, though, because a) she would probably dig the publicity, and b) she annoys the shit out of me.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be?

See above.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

All the religious and/or just really self-righteous people who think that everyone in the world should live by THEIR moral code because all others are wrong.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

I like cheddar that is so sharp it crumbles when you try to cut it. Also, I once had a garlic cheddar from that awesome cheese place in Banden, Oregon, that was TO DIE FOR. My attitude toward cheese is pretty much the sharper and smellier, the better. Hence, I dislike brie.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat?

It would involve fresh sourdough bread, hummus, cucumbers, tomatoes, romaine lettuce, green peppers, and cheese. YUM.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

I would say Neil Patrick Harris except he's not a movie celebrity and he's gay. So let's go with Will Smith.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be?

I honestly can't think of any musicians whose bones I'd particularly like to jump.

8. Now that you've slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy?

The voice of responsibility says I should use it to make a payment on my student loan or buy some practical supplies for the baby. But that voice has been drowned out by the other voices that shout, "TO THE BOOKSTORE!!"

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?


I'm assuming I can share this ticket, because I'm going to pick up all of my girlfriends and take them to Zanzibar.

10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?


Dr. Pepper, but only if it has no calories because holy cow would I get fat otherwise.

11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?

Elizabethan England, but only if I can be wealthy and attractive with an indulgent father who doesn't make me marry somebody a million years old and covered in warts.

12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Anybody who writes "your" when they mean "you're" will be immediately thrown to the sharks.

13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it?


Guys, if I had good ideas for TV shows, I would not be temping right now.

14. What is your favorite curse word?

Um. Most of them. I'm pretty sure I was a longshoreman in a previous life.

15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, what do you do?

I would immediately have an embarrassing mess to clean up, if you know what I mean, because that would be damn scary.

16. Your house is on fire! What do you do?


Um, what anybody would do? Grab all the living creatures (and also my wedding photos) and get the hell out of there.

17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Call up all of my friends and family and talk about how much fun we've had. Because lordy do I know some fun people, and that would be a great way to go.

18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whats even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?

The ability to teleport.

19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Any half-hour from my very first hours-long conversation with Mr. Canuck at Suze and Zara's wedding. Because that was amazing, and we can never do it again.

20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?


That time I totally misjudged my audience and accidentally implied that my best friend's cousin was a lesbian. It was meant to be a joke, but it did NOT go over well. And it was kind of a dumb joke to begin with. And then I didn't know how to apologize without making the whole thing worse. I'm a terrible person.

21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going?

Hrm. I haven't been very many places, so this is hard. Probably somewhere in western Europe. Or possibly I would call up my auntie Juli in Zanzibar and find out if she needs a housemaid.

22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?

The Irish Embassy in downtown Toronto, because a) it's a cool bar, and b) it would serve them right for not letting me in that one time because I only had American ID.

23. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we'll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like "Check it out I can FLY!?"

My mom, because her favorite hobby is bragging about her children and this would give her bragging rights for LIFE.

24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

George Harrison, because I love him to little bits. And then I would make him record an album with Paul Simon. And then I would make them tour together and give me free tickets. Wow, I'm demanding.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Waiting for the eastern glow

Greetings, Constant Readers! Since you have probably been waiting all week with bated breath to find out the sex of my baby (no you have not, you liars), I am finally getting my act together to tell you.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

The cables for our scanner seem to be missing in action, so for the time being I've just taken pictures of the pictures. Here she is in profile, with helpful descriptions added by me with the help of Microsoft Paint:



And here she is looking straight at you and bearing a frightening resemblance to Skeletor:



I have every reason to believe that she will outgrow her Skeletor phase and come out of the womb as adorable as the day is long. Although, if she doesn't, think of the power she'll have to terrorize the other kids on the playground!

Needless to say, I am thrilled about this, and so is Mr. Canuck (who has started wearing aftershave because he wants to smell like a daddy, which is just so adorable I can hardly stand it). After the initial glee wore off, though, I started panicking. Parents of daughters, how do you do it? Already I am tempted to lock her in a closet on her thirteenth birthday and not let her out until she's 25. How do I stop her from rolling up the skirt of her school uniform until it barely covers her ass, as I see Toronto schoolgirls doing all the damn time? How do I teach her that no matter how much she wants that boy to like her, or how persuasive he is, it is okay and even preferable to say no? How do I give her a moral code that is strong enough to hold up in the outside world? How do I make sure she knows that she can do or be anything she wants, as long as she sticks to her guns? How do I teach her self-respect in a world that seems determined not to let her have any?

Is this what it's like to be a mother? This child is not even born and already I'm terrified that I won't be able to do right by her. All I can do is my best, and what if my best isn't good enough? This is scary, people.

DISCLAIMER: Please do not interpret that paragraph to mean that I'm having second thoughts. I'm not. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to seriously fuck up my daughter. We all have moments of uncertainty, is all, and I'm indulging in one.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

She's often inclined to borrow somebody's dreams 'til tomorrow

Two things today:

1. Pregnancy Brain is a real thing, I am here to tell you. The wires get crossed between my brain and my mouth on a fairly regular basis anyway, but I seem to be gradually losing my mastery of the English language. About twenty minutes ago, I turned to Mr. Canuck and said, "When you've finished your drink, will you help me with the thing the stuff and the parts?" Bless him, he somehow managed to accurately translate this to, "Will you help me take the new computer desk out of the box so I can put it together?" Worth his weight in gold, I tell you.

2. Since the baby can apparently hear now, we've decided it would be fun to start reading to it. And for Baby's First Book, we've settled on The Hobbit. I still can't quite get behind The Lord of the Rings (I KNOW I KNOW) but I love Bilbo's little round face. One of my favorite bloggers recently reviewed The Hobbit, and I could not agree more with the following sentiment:
And we all know that I am a giant fantasy suck, and that even when it's garbage I will love its face. But my indescriminate love of dragons and magic swords and shit doesn't detract from the delight of reading really very good dragons and magic swords and shit.

So yeah, I'm geeking out in a big way over here and I'm taking my baby down with me!

Okay, I guess there's three things:

3. We have our ultrasound on Tuesday!!! I am really, REALLY hoping that we find out the sex. It's always possible that the baby won't cooperate, but apparently it's also possible that the tech won't tell us. I guess there are some religions and/or cultures where if the baby is not the sex they want, they will abort it. Also I guess there's liability issues if they turn out to be wrong. I will sign whatever I have to sign, I will get violent if I have to, but they had better be willing to tell me what my baby is! I'm getting tired of calling it "it." I'd like to know who it is in there.

Stay tuned!

(Oh, and in case any of you are wondering where I'm getting these wacky-ass titles for my posts, they are generally stolen from songs I like. Today's title is taken from "See Emily Play" by Pink Floyd. Trust me, I am not that creative or that weird.)

Monday, February 1, 2010

It's been a long, cold, lonely winter

Today's video is a double feature: "Here Comes the Sun" and "Homeward Bound" as sung by George Harrison and Paul Simon on Saturday Night Live. This is one of my favorite performances ever, by two of my favorite musicians (and boy howdy do they harmonize beautifully), so you'd better like it. It's fabulous.



Sorry I've been quiet for so long around here. Mr. Canuck and I moved into a new house last weekend and it's been pretty chaotic for the past few weeks. Packing, painting, moving, unpacking, and generally living in chaos has been STRESSING ME OUT, people. And even with the help of my wonderful mother-in-law, I managed to overdo it with the painting and crippled myself. I was so sore I couldn't walk for a couple of days, and the best I could do was hobble for about three days after that. It's been over a week now and I'm still a little tender. I have got to get in shape.

But the best news is that I've left my job! My last day was last Friday and I am not even a little bit sorry. The year I worked there (as a temp, after they told me it was going to be a temp-to-perm deal) was way more stressful than it was worth, and frankly I am seriously unimpressed with how that company is run. A lot of people were sorry that I was leaving, but as Beyonce said, if they liked it they should have put a ring on it. Their loss!

So now I'm apparently a housewife. I'm spending this week putting the house in order, and next week I'll start trying to drum up some transcription work (assuming I can find my foot pedal - where the hell did we pack that thing?). I'm really happy that I have this opportunity to chill out before the baby is born.

Speaking of the baby, we have our ultrasound a week from tomorrow! I'm thinking now that it's a boy - couldn't tell you why, that's just how I'm feeling it - and it'll be fun to see if I'm right. Whatever it is in there, it seems to be a ninja. I'm pretty sure he's even got a little set of nunchuks in there. I wouldn't be surprised if he just kicks his way straight out the front in a few months, it's so strong already.

And now I'm feeling guilty because there are still a couple of boxes in the kitchen waiting to be unpacked, and getting the kitchen finished is my goal for the day. So I'd better get on that. Unpacking is BORING, but I'll feel a million times better once this place is organized.